Fitness and Nutrition Trends in 2016.

Want to keep at the cutting edge of health, fitness and well-being, well look no further.
These are my predictions for the top trends in 2016. Some could be real, some could be tongue in cheek, some could be both; I'll let you decide.

1.Bulletproof Tibetan Tea

Bulletproof coffee is so 2012. This year Tibetan Tea will be big. Yep, if butter is good for you, then Yaks butter must be better, plus you are getting all the health benefits of tea. And if that wasn't enough the added salt will help with your electrolyte balance post workout. Lastly, you will be helping to support local Yak herders, bonus!

Tibetan beverage: Tea, Yaks Butter & Salt. What's not to like. Image source www.fitfoodhouse.net

What could be better than Tibetan tea? This Super Chai Tea recipe that I have just invented.

Super Chai Tea (Bulletproof Monk tea)

1 teaspoon of Matcha green tea (if not available PG Tips pyramid bags will do fine)
25ml of MCT Oil (if you can't find this, organic Yaks Milk or butter is a good substitute)
1/2 teaspoon of turmeric
Sprinkle of cinnamon
Stevia or locally sourced raw honey to taste.

Brew the Matcha green tea in the traditional way, then blend in the MCT Oil/ Yaks milk/ butter and turmeric. Sprinkle  cinnamon on top, add in stevia or honey if you like it sweet.

This brew packs a powerful punch. There is the antioxidant, tumour fighting, thermogenic tea mixed with antiviral fat based fuel of the MCT oil/ Yaks milk. Add in the anti-inflammatory turmeric, and the insulin modulating cinnamon, making this the ideal breakfast concoction.

Please note I just made this recipe up but I have refused to google it just in case someone is actually drinking this stuff for real.

By drinking Bulletproof Monk tea you are supporting your local Yak Herder

2.Mindful everything

2015 was the year of mindfulness. Eating food mindfully, mindful breathing, mindful corporations, mindful colouring books and so on. We already have a mindfully based exercise system called Yoga, but there is no way to capitalise on this. Hence we need a 'mindful workout'.

In mindfulness meditation a common practice is to count your breath and count to 10. And when else do you need to count to 10? When you are counting reps in the gym that's when. And mindfulness resistance training is now born. It has to be counting to 10, low reps such as 3 while deadlifting won't work. Also when deadlifting you are focusing on making sure your back doesn't explode. Same goes for olympic lifting. But bicep curls are perfect, 10 reps of focused curling, the ultimate mindfulness exercises.

The mindfulness workout can be applied to anything in the 8-12 rep range, isolation exercises are perfect. It used to be called bodybuilding but there is no way I can sell that to you or sell it to the female market.

Les Mills Mindful will be launched later this year combining pump, balance and mindful breathing/ counting.

Follow up your mindful workout with a beverage from the land of mindfulness and loving kindness meditation - that's right a Tibetan Tea.

3.Post Natal Exercise... for Men

F**k Dad Bod. You've been sitting at home pretending to help out with the new born, but mainly you seem to be drinking tea and eating the cake that everyone keeps bringing around. Aside from the quick hoover round and nappy change your calorie output is close to zero.

You have re-discovered daytime TV and have realised it hasn't changed since you were a student. It still consists of older greying men with younger female sidekicks (Pip Schofield and Holly Willbesomething, the bloke on Countdown who used to be on The Apprentice plus a younger female number counter, and even the Daily Politics Shows has Andrew Neil, who borrowed his hairstyle from Donald Trump, and a younger female Millbank side-kick to help him out).

It's time to do something before you start looking forward to the latest spring fashion slot on the Lorraine Show. You need to get fit. But where to begin? Post Natal Classes for men of course! Where you can all get fit in a mutually supportive environment with other men, no one will judge you for having baby vomit on your Nike Dri Fit wick-away top. Then afterwards you can have a coffee and discuss whether Andrew Neils hair is real, the misogynist nature of media, if Piers Morgan is actually a cyborg sent from the future to annoy us and if you drink Tibetan Tea( bulletproof monk tea) will you be able to fit in those skinny jeans for summer?

4.The rise and rise of online coaching, Vloggers, Instagram experts and apps

Somewhere in Shoreditch a woman in her early 20's is opening a Tibetan Tea cafe using start up money from her parents who live in Cambridgeshire. One day she is frothing up a Yaks Milk Latte for a customer and realises that someone may be interested in her flex-vegan Italian-paleo recipes.

She immediately rushes home and her housemate videos her making a pasta/ paleo mash up dinner. They link this to her house-mates own Youtube page, he is trying to carve out a niche playing banjo fuelled electro pop folk fusion. They put one of his tracks over the top of the video. Her other house mate works for a local PR company and is currently working on promoting locally sourced beard grooming products which he then mentions in their Vlog.

Before, she knows it, she has 20 million Instagram followers and a 10 book publishing deal. Even though she has no nutritional qualifications, is not a qualified chef and knows nothing about fitness she is soon on Daytime TV being interviewed about her weight-loss tips.

Meanwhile a Dad is sitting at home, while changing a nappy and eating a rocky road,  he hears her mention Tibetan Tea. He then tells all his mates at the Mens Post Natal Class. Before you know it, Tibetan tea has gone viral and a Shoreditch resident opens up a series of Tibetan Tea shops, which she then sells to a hedge fund.

Her banjo playing friend ends up in a structured reality TV show and then realised his own fitness DVD. His debut album is released on itunes...

5.Steady State Cardio makes a comeback

The last few years we have had HIIT and Tabatas and WODs. And these are all hard. Recently Hybrid training has started it make an impact mainly due to Alex Viada. And it makes a lot of sense.

The next logical step is the rise of steady state cardio. Problem is, it is very hard to re-package and re-sell, even harder to base a PT session around someone going for a walks or doing 30 minutes on a bike at conversational pace.

Les Mills have covered most areas, lifting weights, combat sports, dance, spinning, old people, young people. But they haven't covered walking yet.

Enter Les Mills Walk and Talk. The easy workout you can do anywhere. Just download the app, and every month they update your walking play list, get out there and power away the fat with gut busting steady state tunes. Two of the tracks on the initial Les Mills Walk and Talk release are from a Banjo electro pop artist based in London.

Can't walk? Don't worry there is Les Mills Chair. A series of chair based exercises with the latest motivational music. We do, however, recommend that you buy the specially constructed Reebok Chair TM, if you are going to be doing this in a small group fitness environment.

6.Strongman training for all. Strong man/women classes

Powerlifting is so 2 dimensional, and crossfit, and who's got time to learn how to do a muscle up or a handstand walk?

But strongman, that is 3 dimensional training and you get to lift lots of cool things. Re-brand it has fat burning and glute sculpting and you've got a product.

Now you need some equipment. A company has already made a fitness specific tyre, and are charging �650 for something you can essentially pick up for free at your local tip. And someone has already got a piece of plastic, filled it with water and called it The Surge. So what can you do? Atlas stones,  but we can do better, lets make it more primal. How about a rock. Yep, its a special rock, after all you can go and pick up a rock for free. But if you take that rock, paint it pink and call it Igneous Based Training System (IBTS), you've got a product.

A rock. But paint it pink, charge �200 for it and call it Igneous training and you've got a product.

Or just do some strong man inspired training with the equipment you've already got, and reap the benefits.

7.Gluten will make a comeback

Could we all be wrong, could gluten be a superfood? A special type of gluten of course, it won't be found in a loaf of Hovis. Special artisan gluten supplements harvested from a South American plant.

Or anything could become the next superfood. Personally I'm hoping it will be cheddar cheese.

8.Super hero workout.

The new Star Wars is out. And the lead character happens to lift weights, kerching. Combine with the mindfulness trend and you've got the Jedi Workout that you don't have to live in a swamp to do. Replace Yoda with a weighted vest. Or even better, if someone at Disney marketing has got their head screwed on they will produce a Yoda weighted vest.

In the summer there will also be Batman v's Superman v's Banana Man v's SuperTed. Expect all these workouts to appear in Mens Health at some point.

Banana Man v Iron Man will start production this year. The banana man workout will appear in Mens Health. Image source www.bttm.co.uk

9.Backwards running

We've had barefoot running, Hoka trainers, tough mudders and all that. Its time for backwards running to go mainstream. The easy way to avoid injuries.

Plus, you can't run backwards run on a normal treadmill, so someone will have to build a backwards running treadmill. Retail cost �15,000.

While we're at it, obstacle course racing needs to evolve. Yes, it could be run backwards or why not add a Krypton Factor element, where you have to build a 3D puzzle blindfold at the half way point.

The Krypton Factor. When obstacles and tracksuits were proper. Source: www.tvcream.co.uk

10.Carb side loading

I have no idea. Its just a buzzword phrase. But carb back loading exists. I will figure out the details of the diet later. But trust me its going to be big.

11.Nano gyms

Space is at a premium, what's smaller than a micro gym? A nano gym of course. Combine this with a Tibetan tea bar franchise and you've got a business.

Well, there you go, these are my top predictions for 2016, lets see what becomes big. All ideas are trademarked, copyrighted and patent pending.

Fitness Trends For 2014 (Not The Usual Suspects).

The official ACSM list of fitness trends for 2014 can be found here. Yeah, high intensity interval training, bodyweight training blah blah, catch up fitness industry and media hacks, that's so 2008. The real fitness trends and hot predictions are listed below:

No.1: Bicep Curls or if you are a female - tricep extensions (or if you are a patronising fitness expert appearing on daytime TV in January 'working on the bingo wings ladies').

The bicep curl will always be number one in the gym. If you spend more than 2 hours in any gym at least one guy will come in and start his workout by warming up with some alternating dumbbell curls while standing exceptionally close to the dumbbell rack.

The bicep curl is so versatile, too tired to squat? You will still have enough energy to do some arms. Hard conditioning session? Always time to work on the guns at the end.

Can you see how complicated this is? Of course it needs to be trained every workout.

The bicep is essentially three muscles that cross the elbow and shoulder joint (or if you are Charles Poliquin probably 23 muscles -each with a unique action) but at last count there are approximately 23,000 bicep exercises. Because it doesn't matter that it may be one of the smallest muscle groups you work on - it is the most important. No one can tell if you workout if you only do legs and have to wear trousers. But biceps, there is always time to put on a tight T-shirt and pump up before heading out.

No.2: 30 minutes on the x-trainer/ elliptical if you are female or Chest Day if you are male.

It doesn't matter how much people tell you that you don't need to do steady state cardio to lose weight, or that weight loss is all about nutrition, because as a female you know that the real key to success is the x-trainer. Whatever  fancy program your trainer gave you with weights and kettlebells and functional shit and HIIT it doesn't matter; because deep down you know the key to all physique goals is the x-trainer. Plus all that stuff is too hard, and you can't remember how to do it plus there is no TV attached to the kettlebell so you can't watch Hollyoaks while instagramming fitness inspiration pictures.

For Chest Day refer back to no.1, there is always time for chest, and Monday has been international bench press day since the beginning of time or at least the beginning of Golds Gym in California. And all those dopes doing bodyweight stuff are just clogging up the area that you need to scatter weight plates around the flat bench to prove how much you can lift.

No.3: Paleo & Ketogenic Backlash.

You tried paleo and it was fucking hard and you didn't transform in to a paleolithic warrior in 7 days. Plus no one knows if you can eat a freakin' potato or not (sweet potatoes are okay but no one knows why) and if you so much as look at a legume your intestines will explode. If you write a paleo book be sure to make sure that whatever you like and don't want to give up is considered paleo - this normally means coffee, red wine, chocolate (Swiss paleo) or milk (as long as the milk is from a wild cow and you milk it yourself).

Potato: Can I eat this or not?

Plus those coconut farmers need a break, Somewhere in Hawaii or Southeast Asia or wherever all the coconut oil comes from, some of those farmers have been working 24/7 since The Paleo Solution was released. And if the world runs out of coconuts all the Paleo/ Keto people are screwed. And there will be mass panic at your nearest Crossfit Box.

Give it a rest paleo people, these fellas need a day off

As for the ketogenic diet, the Italian Pasta Cartel is not going to stand for it anymore. As pasta sales plummet they realise this madness has got to stop. They are going to 'take care of' Robb Wolf, Mark Sissons and Tim Noakes for sure.

Expect some of your favourite fitness and diet gurus to change their mind and decide that now you have to eat high carb and low fat; bran flakes, pasta and rice galore. As you already bought their last book, you are going to buy this one too.

In the future we will discover that High Fructose Corn Syrup is actually a health food. Much like when Woody Allen wakes up in the future in the film Sleeper, his character was the owner of a health food store, but in the future they have realised that all that health food is actually bad for you.

Dialogue from the film Sleeper

Dr. Melik: Well, he's fully recovered, except for a few minor kinks.
Dr. Agon: Has he asked for anything special?
Dr. Melik: Yes, this morning for breakfast. He requested something called wheat germ, organic honey and tiger's milk.
Dr. Agon: [ laughs ] Oh, yes. Those were the charmed substances...That some years ago were felt to contain life-preserving properties.
Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies? Or hot fudge?
Dr. Agon: Those were thought to be unhealthy, precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
Dr. Melik: Incredible.

Source: www.Explore-Science-Fiction-Movies.com

Woody Allen in Sleeper

Stay confused and consume.

No.4: 700Ibs Deadlifts.

There are now a record number of elite powerlifters who only ever lift in their garage or on the internet. You rarely see them in the gym, I guess because they are all at home lifting 700Ibs but unfortunately they don't have a video camera. The 600Ibs deadlift is now so common that most lifters achieve it within weeks of reading Starting Strength and critiquing Supertraining and claiming that those Westside guys are all pussies; so the only place left to go is the 700Ibs deadlift.

Strangely, I don't see so many people claiming sub 2.10 marathons, I guess because you can't do that in a garage.

No.5: Some crazy kids toy/ bongo fusion disguised as the latest fitness tool.

Right now there is some guy, probably in California or Australia or New Zealand figuring out how he can part you with your cash.

The quickest way to come up with the latest fitness gimmick is to take a kids toy like a hula hoop and then combine it with some high energy music, then brand it, licence it, and claim it burns fat and works the core better than anything else.

But most of the obvious stuff has been done, for the fitness entrepreneur this means some lateral thinking is required. How about taking one of  those pedal powered cars the kids drive in the film Bugsy Malone and turning it into a cardio machine. Or how about the new dance sensation - Polka, combined with Flag Signals - I call it Polkwa. A total body conditioner plus practical if you get lost at sea or find yourself at a wedding in Central Europe.

Car from Bugsy Malone: Strap a TV on this and you've got a new cardio machine

No doubt Gym Box already has these classes, so please don't write to me.

I've combines Polka and Flag waving - I call it Polkwa.

No.6: Barefoot Backlash.

It turns out barefoot running didn't turn you into a Kenyan overnight, plus your calves hurt and it took a lot of goddamn effort.

As is human nature, rather than finding a middle way, we swing to the other extreme. How about attaching a couple of sponges to your feet or those springy pogo stick shoes that Saturday morning kids TV presenters would bounce around on back when such TV existed. Unfortunately, Flubber doesn't exist, or does it? How about a pair of Hokas. Or how about training, or doing some strength training, or work on your mobility or not thinking there is an equipment solution to a fitness problem.

Hoka - It's the French word for Flubber

No. 7: Sit-Up And Crunch Comeback.

Unless you work in a commercial gym, in which case, you just stopped doing them because you read the research from 2002.

The tricky thing about those researchers is they keep saying it depends, it depends on the client, it depends on their goals, it depends on their spine morphology. Well that's no good, you want a six pack and so do your clients. And all this 'it depends' is no good for debating on the internet, there can be no grey area.

Abs are not made in the kitchen, they are made on the sit up bench.

Plus, your favourite MMA/ Boxing fighter does 1000's of sit ups so they must be okay. And whats more Crossfitters do those sit ups on the Glute Ham Raise and none of them are injured. And you're bored and your clients are bored of planks. Crunch ahoy! Much like bicep curls there is always time for some isolated core work.

No.8: Special Selfie/ Instagram Zones At The Gym.

You're at the gym and you need to take a picture to prove you're at the gym and so everyone knows what a rich and fulfilling life you lead; and to motivate all your followers on Instagram. Except the lighting's no good and you left your phone in the car. No problem, this is an idea I stole when visiting Guinness Storehouse in Dublin - they take a picture of you pouring a pint and then you can go to one of their ipads and share the picture on facebook. Genius!

This is exactly what the gym needs! The special selfie zone will have the right amount of lighting to make you look thin/ pumped/ ripped and you can share the picture instantly on social media. No need to take pictures of yourself surreptitiously in the changing rooms or look like a dick while your friend videos you on the calf raise machine. You can focus on what the gym is really about, telling other people you are there, so you can feel smug.

No.9: Weightlifting Shoes As Fashion Accessory.

Your Mum has bought you some new weightlifting shoes. The only problem is only the Bros you lift with are going to see them. Or if you bought them yourself, you spent a fair amount of cash on them - but you only get to wear them at the gym a few hours a week.

Solution: Start to wear them out and about. You will look taller, in the event of a fight you basically have two lumps of wood strapped to your feet, plus in the club on the dancefloor while making some shapes you can easily hit a deep squat/ cossack move and impress all the chicks (at least one of who is bound to be a bikini competitor - result!)

Do you know how much these cost? Damn right I'm wearing them to the pub

No.10: Some New Social Media Network You Haven't Heard Of Yet.

Facebook will be dead by the end of the year or maybe tTwitter will be or MySpace will make a comeback, I dunno. Or someone will invent a new social network. We all need more outlets to tell people what we are doing. Picture of your paleo dinner on Instagram? Check. Motivational quote on Twitter? Check. Awesome Bicep curl video uploaded on Facebook? Check. But its not enough. We need more.

No.11: Les Mills - times they are a changin. (A serious one).

Les Mills have been using the same payment model forever. The likes of bodybalance, pump, combat etc are massive in health clubs. If you have never heard of them you probably don't go to a health club. I guess way more people do Les Mills than do Crossfit. But Crossfit has appeared in The Huffington Post, The New Yorker and the British Press. It really is in the zeitgeist. Les Mills hasn't - epic fail. If you run 3 or 4 Les Mills programs it costs the same as having a Crossfit affiliation for the year. Crossfit is also sponsored by Reebok and has created a tribe effect. Food for thought there.

Camille Leblanc - apparently she does Crossfit, which unlike Les Mills you've probably heard of.

I thought Zumba or Bokwa or Bootcamps would kill Les Mills, as they are either licence free or make the instructor pay the licence. With the new music licencing laws in the UK - health clubs have to pay the money themselves and can't make the self employed instructor pay for it. And then there is all the quarterly workshops. In the end Les Mills will euthanize itself unless it catches up to way things work and gives you a bit more for your money than a few posters and leaflets. They need to use the same tactics as Crossfit or your class studio will be or already is a Crossfit box.

No.12:  People On Blogs Writing Lists Of Fitness Trends.

Yep, we all love a top ten list and predictions about fitness trends. Look on the bright side, unlike a newspaper you didn't have to pay to read this and unlike something written by some weary Journo, it's not some regurgitated list from 2008. Some newspapers and magazines seem to think their readers have never seen the internet or used Google and are already behind the zeitgeist by the time they get round to reporting stuff. Rant over. Do what you enjoy.

"Don't follow leaders, watch your parking meters."  Bob Dylan

Happy New Year Fitness World, make 2014 a healthy one. Another year lost in fitness.

Of course